Jörn Hendrik Ast
Agile Coach / Mallorca 2020
I arrived too early, got the date wrong. I took it as a sign of my current state of mind; too fast, too much and too little I am taking care for myself. For this reason I went to the Hike of Peak Perspective, here to Mallorca. With these wonderful people, whom I was able to see so genuinely and clearly in the last few days.
It almost drove me crazy not knowing the exact route during hiking, not being able to give my controlling mind the satisfaction of answers and control. But that was an important part of the journey, whoever fully engages in it will get the answers.
Just as I was there too early at the beginning of the journey, I had too much luggage with me at the beginning of the hike. Fortunately, I was able to intuitively leave my B+O Noise Canceling headphones and some clothes in the car. Nevertheless, the blisters on my feet, the pain in my joints and the sore muscles in all places where the backpack touched my back did not stop. The strong support from Jochen, Johanna and Marcus was fantastic, but tougher than any Majorcan oak and harder than the sharpest stone was only my endurance of excuses and explanations to your clever coaching questions. I’m so sorry and I feel so uncomfortable with how much space I took up with it; for you coaches, but especially for my development here.
Because the new aspects I discovered about myself were amazing. I never thought that I would meet my twelve year old self and that the answer to a seemingly insoluble question would be so simple.
We all went on our own hero’s journey, shielded ourselves, wanted to be alone, needed to talk or needed a hug. But how great was this additional level, to be able to reflect yourself in your comrade-in-arms, to be able to see your own past and maybe even your future.
Nevertheless, one of the most important aspects I noticed about myself was that I was on my own, feeling myself during heavy physical exertion or in a Rifugio Dormroom where forests were sawn down through snorting and the lights didn’t go out during the night. I have learned to give up the duty of functioning and to be completely with myself.
I never thought that my most important question for this journey; how to balance my strength and use it better, would be surprisingly answered. I can now see that my high energy and the will to use it for ideas, projects and my coachees is fizzling out to a not inconsiderable extent, because I do not allow myself to be completely there, especially with my gentleness and my sadness. The fear is too big that I could take my strength for myself by contacting my vulnerable feelings. The question of what is stopping me is not answered for me from today with another “faster” and “further”, but with a “pause now“.
If I spoke to myself from the future today, at this point, giving advice to you in Mallorca, it would be: “Hey boy, look around you. You are complete, stop kicking so hard, that’ll only give you blisters. You achieve more by allowing yourself to be there with all your parts, that is your key to success.
I am deeply touched, thank you all for letting me meet you wonderful souls and go home with so much more than I came. Thank you.